Bad Day
by Hamtaro23
Summary: Rain, dealing with Edward Elrich, paperwork, almost getting killed, Roy Mustang having a bad day? Hardly.
1. Bad Day

Just a rather corny idea I had. I don't own FMA, I don't own a lot of things, although I wish I did...**  
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Bad Day**

A bad day for Roy Mustang usually meant rain, snow or some form of water that would render his alchemy useless. However, the words bad day can also be defined, in at least his dictionary as seeing Edward Elrich, almost getting killed, or having to deal with paperwork. Rain is the most common form of a bad day since Edward Elrich returns to report to him only rarely. Paperwork comes second being it that he has a neat mountain on his desk every day. And the least common type of a bad day would be almost getting killed. All things considered he was the Flame Alchemist, anyone who tried to kill him would be burned to a crisp, and if the perpetrator desired, rare, medium rare or well done. Sometimes he wondered why he was not blessed with superb culinary skills. As great an alchemist he was, and as close as alchemy was with cooking, he was no chef. The only thing that he could make without fault was a frozen dinner being all he had to do was thaw them out with a small flame. As far as Roy knew, none of the four aforementioned things have happened all in one day.

Until now.


	2. Anguish Over Paperwork

**Anguish Over Paperwork**  
"Hawkeye, I swear, there's so much paperwork here that I can swim in it." Roy Mustang muttered, sitting bored in his office. Outside rain felt in sheets on Central. Drops of water striking the large windows of his office made him wince, he hated rain.

"I thought you didn't like swimming, sir." His subordinate noted.

"I don't," He grumbled, "And that makes it all the worse." He sighed and stared at the papers, reports on this and that, useless forms that all required his signature. If this was what it was like being a colonel, how much paperwork will he have to contend with when he becomes the Fuhrer? He sighed again, the thought of drowning in an unfathomable sea of paperwork came to mind.

"Well, sir, you can always try to hire a secretary." Hawkeye suggested offhandedly.

"I thought you were my secretary." Roy joked but soon found that his sense of humor wasn't appreciated, the barrel of Riza's .45 in his face. "Sorry, sorry, just kidding." He held up his hands in surrender. She holstered her gun and sat back at her desk.

"Actually, that's quite brilliant!" Roy exclaimed after much thinking, slamming his fist into the table with excitement. "I will hire a secretary! Hawkeye, you're a genius!" And with that he bolted out of the room, leaving Riza slightly confused. She shrugged and followed him out of the room.


	3. Secretary Interviews

**Secretary Interview #1**  
The brunette sat in the chair uncomfortably, fidgeting constantly. She was nervous. Her first interview and it was with a full colonel in the military. Just her luck.

"I'm just going to ask you a few questions," Roy said, sitting across from her, clipboard in hand. Hawkeye stood behind him. "Nothing to worry about," And he flashed a smile. She blushed and looked away. Roy wasn't surprised; he had that kind of an effect on women.

Hawkeye felt an odd anger boiling up inside watching the colonel flirt with the girl. She didn't know why. Was she jealous? No! Of course not! No! Definitely not! Roy can flirt with who ever he wants, he's just her superior. That's it. That's it! A voice in the back of her head shouted. Or is it? Another asked in defiance. She shut both voices out and returned to the interview.

"Your name is Megumi Kana?"

"Yes, sir." She replied shyly.

"Any experience?"

"A little," She said quietly, "I worked as a part time clerk in my father's store." Roy nodded and made a note of it on his clipboard.

"Are you prepared to tackle excessive amounts of paperwork," He paused, looking up from his clipboard and stared at her, "Every single day?"

She didn't know how to respond. She didn't want to be murdered by paperwork, but she wanted a job, but the paperwork. He's making it sound so horribly painful. Hawkeye who had always been a patient person found herself unable to stand the slowness of the girl's response, pulled her pistol from the holster and aimed it point blank in between the frightened girl's eyes.

"Answer the question." She said slowly.

"Hawkeye," Roy tried to interject, "This isn't the Spanish Inquisition. No need for hostilities."

Suddenly realizing that the girl was quivering with fear and on the verge of tears Riza retracted her pistol. "Sorry, sir."

Before Roy had a chance to say anything else, the girl grabbed her things and raced out of the door, leaving Roy slightly confused and dumbfounded and Riza in a better mood.

* * *

**Secretary Interviews #2**  
"So, Miss, uh," Roy checked the name written on the form, Antoinette Baumgartner. Antoinette….Baumgartner? How the hell do you pronounce that? He looked to Hawkeye standing next to him who shook her head and gave him a you're-on-your-own look. "Uh, miss…uh…"

"Antoinette Baumgartner." The pretty blonde sitting across from his said with a smile. This was perhaps the most exciting day of her life. She was sitting across the Flame Alchemist, Roy Mustang, in an interview to be his secretary. She was going to faint.

"Miss Antonio Bamgardner." He repeated with an apologetic smile unaware of the fact that he had mispronounced her name. Hawkeye shook her head with a sigh and decided it was best if she didn't tell him. Some things are left better unsaid.

"Do you have any previous experience as a secretary?"

"No," The blonde shook her head, sending his gorgeous locks flying. Roy decided that he liked this Antonio Bamgardner, she was blonde, good body, nice smile, miniskirt, seems to like him a lot too, so who cares if she doesn't have any experience? He looked at Hawkeye for approval and received an angry glare.

Feeling as if his life was at stake, Roy calmly told the blonde that she would need experience and that it was a pleasure meeting her. She sat there for a while, unsure of what had just happened. Her dreams were crushed, rejected, by Roy Mustang. And unashamed she began weeping. This sent Roy into panic.

"Uh, Miss Bamgardner, don't cry, please, don't take it personally." He said in effort to comfort her. There was a weeping woman in his office and he wasn't sure what he should. And then an idea popped into his mind. If she can't be his secretary, how about being his girlfriend? Like he said before, blonde, nice smile, miniskirt, perfect. "If it makes you feel any better, how would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

The girl forgot all about crying and with uncontained excitement and enthusiasm replied, "Yes! I would love to! Why that would be just delightful!"

And Riza swore, if she didn't know any better, she would have shot both of them on the spot.


	4. The Paint Alchemist

**The Paint Alchemist**  
"I give up!" Roy said with an air of defeat, throwing his hands up as he walked down the hallway back to his office. "Trying to find a secretary didn't exactly work out quite as I imagined it would,"

"No it didn't, sir." Riza replied, "Should we try hiring girlfriends next time?"

The remarked caught Roy off guard. There was definitely something bothering the first lieutenant and he had a feeling that he was the cause. He could please any woman he wants, but the one person that he actually cares about, hates his guts right now. He sighed; nothing today was turning out quite as he imagined it would, from the weather, to the paperwork, to the secretaries and now Riza.

"What are you so upset about?" Roy asked her, pushing open the door. He sat back down at his table, rain still pouring outside and mountains of paperwork on his table. He had always taken Hawkeye to be the unflappable type, so it was rare and puzzling when she showed any type of emotions.

"Nothing colonel," She replied succinctly, not looking up from her own work, "Besides, I am not upset." She said with emphasis on the "not".

Roy shrugged, whatever it was that was bothering her, she wasn't willing to share with him. With a groan he plucked a sheet from the top of the pile and began skimming through the sheet. He scratched his name on the dotted line and pushed it aside. He groaned again, just a million more to go. It was so easy, so simple that it was just a snap of his fingers. He could set all of it on fire, watch burn to a crisp and voila! Ladies and Gentlemen, his problem solved!

He started sketching a picture of a dog on the corner of his paper. He was never the artist and the dog didn't look much like a dog. He set his fountain pen down and sighed. He glanced around his office. It was a boring office. The walls were white, the ceilings were white, the floors where white. And shelves were oak, the tables were oak, the door knob brass. Maybe he needed change!

"Yes! That's what I need!" He exclaimed for the second time that day, "First lieutenant! We're going to paint the office."

Riza sighed, watching her now hyperactive superior officer dash about the office gesticulating and planning how he was going to paint his office. She sighed again, sometimes she wondered how she was able to put up with him sometimes. And the small voice in the back of her head crept out of its hole and whispered, 'maybe you are falling for him.'

"No, I am not!" She said out loud.

"Eh? What's the Hawkeye?" Roy asked, turning to look at her. Riza shook her head and Roy shrugged, returning to the blank wall and his grand plan for his new office.

After sending Havoc and Falman to purchase paint, Roy began working on a circle that would in theory, make painting his office a snap.

"There has to be a circle for painting!" Roy said flipping frantically through the pages. "Aha!" His forefinger jabbed at a picture of a complicated circle. "There we go Riza! The transmutation circle for…paint! Success!" He held the large alchemy book over his head in triumph.

There was something obviously wrong with the colonel today and Riza couldn't quite put her fingers on it, but something was amiss. Usually, he was moody on rainy days, spent the day sulking and left early either on a date or to have a drink at a bar. Oh, he had a date tonight, Antoinette Baumgartner. She twitched, that name that damned name. She was blonde too, so why can't he ask her- She paused mid thought, did she just think what she thought she did? No, no, nononono! She didn't want him to ask her out. No! Damnit! Damnit! She sighed again and looked over at Black Hayate and sighed again. Lucky dog. She smiled and picked him up.

Havoc and Falman returned awkwardly with large buckets of paint in different colors several minutes later. "Here ya go, Colonel." Havoc said, the cigarette bobbing up and down as he spoke. "Are you sure you are feeling okay? Because, well." He gestured at the paint cans.

"Yes, Lieutenant, feeling fit as a fiddle!"

"Since when did the colonel start saying fit as a fiddle?" Falman whispered to Havoc who shrugged in response.

"Okay, here goes nothing." Roy fetched a pair of gloves from his drawer, almost identical to his other ones, the ones that set things on fire, and slipped them on. An odd circle on the back, drawn hastily in ink was the source of his alchemy.

Snap. "Orange?" He asked his subordinates, who all stood mouth agape and staring at what use to be their office, now painted an insane shade of neon orange. No one knew how he did it, but the Flame Alchemist has mastered the almost none existent art of paint alchemy. The cigarette tumbled out of Havoc's mouth and onto the floor. All was quiet except for the constant pitter patter of rain against the window pane.

"No." Havoc said slowly, "Sir." He added.

"Okay, red!"

No was the unanimous answer once again.

"Blue?"

"Lighter shade." Falman suggested, rubbing his chin and looking at the room. Havoc and Riza looked him as if he was crazy too.

"Don't encourage him!" Havoc shook Falman by the shoulders.

Snap! The room exploded into sky blue. "Nah," Roy shook his head. Another snap. Pink. "Definitely not!" Snap!

Snap! Snap! Snap! From outside the main building in Central one could see the colorful sparks flying out of Colonel Roy Mustang's window on this rainy day. Every few seconds followed by shouts of "No! Change the color!". Any passerby would stop and look curiously into the colonel's office before another color exploded in their face made them run for cover.

"You know, you ought to have a second name, the Paint Alchemist."

Everyone in the office turned towards the door which was occupied by a short blonde boy and a giant suit of armor.


	5. BeanSized Menace

**Bean-Sized Menace**  
"You should consider a second name too," Mustang said sarcastically, "The Shrimp Sized Alchemist."

"Who are you calling so small that you can't see him even with the strongest electron microscope?" Ed shouted, obviously angered by the comment. The giant suit of armor gave an apologetic smile and stepped forward to restrain his brother.

"But he didn't say that, brother."

"I don't care what he said or didn't say!"

Everyone in the room sighed. Riza smiled wearily. This happens every time that Edward Elrich returns to report into the colonel. There was something about the two of them that seems to clash. Maybe it was because they have so much in common. She sighed, god knows what drives those two to hate each other so much. She followed Havoc, Falman and Al out of the office, which has returned to its normal state of being white, giving the colonel and Ed privacy.

"So, what is now Fullmetal? What have you to report?" The colonel asked, sitting at his desk, his cheek resting against the palm of his hand.

Plopping down on the coach that sat in the middle of the room, Ed tossed the colonel a manila folder. Which to Ed's dismay, he caught with efficiency instead of smacking the man's irritable face which always had that cocky smile.

Scratched across the top in ink were the words, "To the Bastard Colonel." Roy twitched, the damned Full metal boy had an annoying sense of humor, almost as bad as his.

"Just incase I didn't get to give it to you in person." Ed explained, "No need to write out the full address, they'll know who I'm talking about."

"Very funny," Roy tore open the envelope and began flipping through the report. "Full metal, full metal, trust you to fail at such an easy job." He said shaking his head with a grin on his face, "Just as I predicted."

"Shut up you manipulative bastard." Ed retorted, "You had all of that planned didn't you? Sending me to some hamlet in god knows where to take care of a renegade officer."

"Well, you were supposed to take care of him, as in kill him, not send him off on a ferry to a distant island nation." Mustang said nonchalantly, continuing to read the report, "He's not the most brilliant alchemist, it would have been easy work for you. Such a shame you let him go, they say he was a brilliant automail mechanic, would have been a valuable asset to the staff. Oh well, less paperwork for me from the Southwest."

"Damn bastard, I'm surprised that you haven't been promoted yet." Ed said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"It's not all about promotions," Mustang said, pausing to think about it, "Okay, scratch that, maybe it is all about promotions and miniskirts too."

"Is that all you can think about? Miniskirts and women?" Ed said disgustingly.

"Here's your new mission." Roy said, ignoring the comment. He tossed the folder at Ed, who got hit in the head with it.

Before Ed could find another insult to throw at the colonel, Ross and Bloch both burst into the room, "They found Scar!"


	6. The Man With the Shades

**The Man with the Shades  
**"What?" Ed leapt out of his seat, "Scar?"

"Has Hughes been notified?" Roy asked, getting out of his seat. He walked over to the coat rack and fetched his black coat. He looked to the windows, still raining, he groaned. He'd have to go out, in the rain, wet, water. Damn.

"Yes, he's on his way there now." Bloch reported.

"Edward, stay with Ross and Bloch," Mustang ordered.

"What!" Ed exclaimed for a second time, "What do you mean stay with Ross and Bloch?"

"We would like to help too!" Al chimed in.

"He's after National Alchemists, technically I'd fall into that category too, but that's beside the point." Roy said. "Your safety is of high priority. To have you two get yourselves killed is not on my agenda today. And, remember what happened last time."

The last comment killed any of Ed's retorts. He had come so close dieing; to risk something like that again would put Al in a lot of danger. "Damn." He muttered, clenching his fists.

"Glad you see it my way, Ed." Mustang said, "Hawkeye, Havoc, Falman, let's move." And with that the colonel walked briskly down the hallway, turned the corner and disappeared, the tail of his trench coat flying like a banner after him. His subordinates followed.

Ed, Al, Ross and Bloch were left standing in the hallway in an awkward silence.

"Since when have I ever seen anything that damn bastard's way?" Ed asked no one in particular, the determination coming back. Al grinned and followed his brother who was already climbing out of a window.

"Wait! Ed! Al!" Ross shouted, chasing after them. Before they made it to the window, the crackle of a transmutation was heard and a giant stone wall cut off the hallway.

"Sorry!" Was the last thing Ross and Bloch heard of Ed and Al.

"Not again!"

The engine of the black hummed as it coasted down the wet street. Roy stared out the window listlessly. Raindrops raced each other down his window. He watch them fall, bet on the ones he thought would win and after loosing what would be a consider amount of money had he actually bet money on the raindrops, decided to focus on something else. For one thing, the biggest threat and criminal in Amestris has just been located, on a rainy day. Just wonderful. Rain, he hated the rain and as Riza put it, he was useless. He sighed. Riza. She's been on his mind a lot lately. A little too much if he may say so himself. And damnit, he didn't know why, okay, maybe he wasn't willing to admit why. He watched Hawkeye in the driver's seat, calmly steering the car through the slick streets of Central. He had never noticed that her eyes were a curious amber color, a deep rich color that reminded him of maple syrup. Her hair matched her eyes, a light yellow with a hint of brown. How soft her hair must feel. How soft indeed.

The black car turned a corner and headed down a deserted grey cobblestone street. It was eerily quiet and serene. Off in the distance the sound of a crumbling was heard and followed by the total collapse of the building.

"That must be him," Havoc said, slapping a clip of ammunition into his rifle. He opened his mouth to say something else when the building on their left also exploded. In the explosion, Havoc lost his second cigarette. Riza hit the brakes, the car didn't slow down and began spinning on the slippery streets.

Through the smoke of the rumble came a tall figure. Running and looking back over his shoulders to see if anyone else was following him. He was wearing an odd yellow jacket. Brown skin, pair of sunglasses, the most dangerous man alive, okay, he wasn't that dangerous.

Mustang climbed out of the car after it had finally stopped, trying to see through the thick smoke to no avail. The rain wasn't helping either. In the short time that he had been standing outside the car he had been soaked with rain. Damn.

"Well, well, we meet again, Flame Alchemist." Roy whirled around at the voice. He could barely make out the Ishbalan man in the dust that just began to settle. "This time you won't escape!" And with amazing speed the figure disappeared. Roy turned in all directions, trying to predict where he was going to come from.

"Colonel!" Riza shouted, "Behind you!" She pulled out her pistols and began firing at Scar, who miraculously seemed to be dodging all of her bullets. Havoc also raised his rifle and began firing blindly into the smoke, unsure of where exactly Scar was.

Mustang heard Riza just a few second too late, but enough that he dodge the initial attack from Scar. Scar's right arm brushed past inches from his face. In what were only milliseconds, Roy caught a glimpse of the man's blood red eyes. Images flashed in his brain, the doctors, the boy, and the red sunset, the red of blood, of the fire that seem to burn forever in his memory. He fell back a few feet on to the muddy street. He cursed, he can't produce anything, and his gloves were wet. He cursed again.

The dust settled gently over the battlefield. Scar at one end, Mustang at the other. Riza and the rest of Mustang's men stood not to far away, using the car as a shield, fire arms raised and ready to fire.

"Havoc, call for backup!" Riza shouted.

"Yes Ma'am!" Havoc saluted and realized that he had no need to that and rushed down the street searching for a phone.

Scar shifted his glance, eyeing Havoc as he frantically dialed numbers in the phone booth. That phone call, backup, could mean trouble. He'll have to deal with that man first before he finish off the Flame Alchemist. He lunged towards Havoc.

Roy wasn't expecting Scar to attack Havoc. He cursed again, he wasn't going to make it, damn it. "Havoc move!" He shouted.

Havoc froze, the receiver in one hand, the other hand raised to press two. He stood there gaping, for the third time, the cigarette fell out of his mouth and on to the wet pavement, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Oh god, he hasn't even met the love of his life yet.

For those few moments, as Roy tried to save his friend, as Riza and Falman began unleashing a hail of bullets at Scar, as the rain continued to come down in sheets and as Havoc awaited death, the faint crack of a transmutation was heard. Then, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, a giant concrete block rose from the ground and Scar drove right into it.

Havoc slowly opened his eyes, he was alive! "I'm alive! Yes! Thank god! Thank you god!" Havoc fell to his knees, overjoyed at the fact that he was alive. He had his heads, his brains were not blown out but where they should be, it he had any to begin with.

"Shouldn't you be thanking me?"

Havoc turned around and was greeted by a pair of platform shoes and black pants. He looked up, "Thank you; you're a life saver you short brat!"

"Who are you calling a short brat!" Ed exclaimed.

"Brother, this isn't the time." Al said, nudging Ed slightly.

Riza couldn't help but laugh, here they were again, saving them and weren't they the ones in danger?

"Full metal and Flame? All in one day?" Scar said, cracking his knuckles, "This world just doesn't cease to amaze me."

Everyone turned their attention back to Scar. "Leave them out of this!" Mustang shouted.

"What do you mean leave us out of it?" Ed shouted, "We just came and saved your sorry asses!" Without waiting for a response, Ed clapped his hands together, transmuting his arm into a sword and dashed towards Scar.

"Still too slow." Scar said dodging his attack easily.

Ed cried out in frustration as attack after attack failed to even come in contact with Scar. "Damnit!"

"This is the end for you, Full metal," Scar said caustically, raising his right arm, exposing the tattoos of the mysterious alchemy matrix.

"Brother!" Falman and Havoc struggled to hold Al back.

"Kid, stay still, the colonel's gonna take care of it!" Havoc said through clench teeth. He was weak in comparison to Al, barely able to hold the armor down and he didn't want to loose another cigarette.

Truth be told, Roy Mustang was out of ideas, out of time and out of options. He couldn't use his alchemy, Ed's life was in danger, in grave danger and there was nothing he could do. Well, one thing he can do. Deeming this course of action as absolutely insane, he pulled out his pair gloves, he had no idea what he was going to do with them considering they were wet.

Snap!

The entire street was covered in a horribly blinding hot pink. "That wasn't what I had in mind." He said, dumbfounded. He looked down at his gloves, instead of being his usual gloves with the Fire circle, these had the intricate paint circles.

"Why the hell am I pink?" Ed shouted, momentarily forgetting that his life was at stake.

At the exact moment, backup arrived. Car after car pulled into the street. Soldiers filed out of the cars, armed with rifles and sub machineguns. All of them were stunned with the site of the street covered in hot pink.

Scar was the first one to react. Despite being colored in hot pink, he took off, blowing a hole in a large building, making his exit.

"After him!" The commanding officer of the platoon that had just arrived on the scene shouted and his men followed him through the hole.

Al was left dumbfounded being that he and Ed were the only ones who not there during Roy's redecoration episode. Ed was still angry and demanded an explanation as to why he was pink. Havoc pulled him over and started to tell him the story, from the very beginning.

"Roy," It was Hughes, the bespectacled man stepped over the rubble and examined the odd paint on the bottom of his boots. "To put this bluntly, what the hell happened? And why is everything pink?"

"It's a long story, Colonel Hughes," Riza stepped in, answering for Roy who gave her a thankful look. He tucked away his gloves into his pocket and surveyed the area.

"One of hell of a mess Scar made. Two collapsed building and one giant hole in another that might possibly cause its collapse and an entire street, covered in paint. A lot of cleaning up to do." Hughes said, scratching his head. "I'll get a team on it."

"Thanks," Roy said, "I owe you one."

And to the dismay of Roy, it hasn't stopped raining yet.


	7. Business As Usual

**Business as Usual**  
Maybe the day was just a little bit out of the ordinary, a little bit wacky and in Roy Mustang's book, one hell of a fucking bad day. Not only did he have to deal with Edward Elrich and save his life, not only did he almost ruin his relationship with his subordinate by trying to hire a secretary to find a way around paper, not did Scar just try to kill Havoc and himself, it was still frickin' raining!

"Something bothering you, Colonel?" Riza asked, approaching Roy back in the office. Hughes was still out there dealing with the aftermath of the Scar confrontation. The Elrichs were off on their next mission and he was back where he started in the morning. Mountains of paperwork and rain.

"Nope," He said, "There isn't a thing in the world that's bothering me."

That was the strangest answer Riza Hawkeye has ever received from her superior. She blinked a few times and looked at him. Was he feeling alright? He had been acting strange the entire day, hiring secretaries, painting his office, that wasn't normal! Why are you so concerned? The voice was back again. It tormented her, why can't the thing just stuff it? Maybe because you know I'm right?

Roy was actually not bothered by anything. It will rain; you can't stop it from raining. Edward Elrich had to report to someone and who better than him? And if he had to do paperwork, then he'll do paperwork! On second thought, scratch the last bit about paperwork. But there was still one thing left unresolved, and that was Riza.

"Actually, Lieutenant," He said, hands in his pockets, turning to look at her, "There is something that's bothering me."

Aha! She knew it! Roy Mustang had to be bothered by something, and she'll try her best to help, "What is it sir?"

"Kind of strange, considering that you are my assistant and subordinate," He started, "But I wondering, would you care to have dinner with me?"


End file.
